I’m taking Econ 106A, and you know what? I’m outraged that when the last ruler of Kazakhstan kicked the bucket, his eleven-year-old daughter inherited the throne without even knowing what net unrealized appreciation was.

I mean, this is basic stuff! It’s not like I’m an expert (except I got an A on that midterm, so y’know, I’m basically an expert), but even I can tell you a thing or two about capital-loss carryover. But now I hear that this gosh darned child heir girl doesn’t even know the basics of bond bargaining, and I’m not gonna lie—I feel insulted! I bet she was getting pony rides and pink frilly dresses and tutoring lessons on principles of government while what she should’ve been learning about is the various late-stage applications of depreciation recapture.

Besides, how does she expect to run a country if she can’t even work around the most basic home equity loans? It boggles the mind to imagine that there are kids her age just a few blocks away who do great calculating capital expenditure—meanwhile she’s sitting on her fancy throne learning about what—tea parties? Make-believe? Politics and public speaking? Like any of that’s going to be of use to you when the poor are at your door demanding that you crunch the numbers on master limited partnerships.

I’m giving her six, maybe eight months at the most before a more competent rival, one who actually knows the basics of incentive stock options, shows up and boots her face out the rear entrance to her fantasy castle. It’d serve her right—this is what happens when you spend your time studying public policy instead of drawing supply and demand curves.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…