Op-Ed: I’m a Real Person Just Like You, I Just Eat Other People

October 28, 2018 11:59 am
Op-Ed: I’m a Real Person Just Like You, I Just Eat Other People

I’m sick of being discriminated against. It’s no secret that it can be hard to be members of certain demographics on Stanford’s campus. I understand, I really do, that some people just don’t agree with certain opinions—and I fully believe in their right to say so. But damn it, I’ve been silent long enough, and I’ve got to say it: I’m proud to be a cannibal.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, and I’ve heard it all before. The insults, the disgust, the horror—so let me explain. I’m a normal person like you! I have likes and dislikes, hobbies, loved ones, and goals. And just like you might enjoy the spring rain or a scoop of chocolate ice cream, I like eating human flesh.

It’s fine if you don’t agree with me, it really is! I’m not asking you to be on my side—I just want you to tolerate me. Too many times, I’ve spoken in class, trying to relate Kant’s epistemology or the structure of electrical circuits to my experience of tearing chunks of meat from people’s deceased corpses, and always the response is to think that I’m joking, or vomit, or throw me out of the room.

Well, I’m sick of it! Just as other marginalized peoples have seen progress and increased equality and recognition in the past and present, this is my plea for cannibals to receive the same. The next time you see me walking down the street, don’t scream in fear or call the police. Instead, just treat me like anybody else. After all—we’re all human here. And that’s delicious.