Issue 259 Puzzles

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Marc Tessier-Lavigne to Allow Two Hottest People From Each Dorm to Get On Ark

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Opinion: Roomcest is Bad. Really, Really Bad.

The very concept of roomcest raises the flesh upon my skin and…

Noah Murase
February 2, 2026

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Erika Kirk Carries The Flame of Stardom at the Grammys

In one of the biggest snubs in Grammys history, Olivia Dean won…

Alex Taylor
February 2, 2026

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Punxsutawney Phil Sees Shadow, Doesn’t Realize He’s in Plato’s Cave Allegory

This weekend, nationally-renowned groundhog Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow and…

Noah Murase
February 2, 2026

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Punxsutawney Phil takes “Erika Kirk” approach to Groundhog Day announcement

After his wife, Phyllis, was assassinated last month at a TSUSA (Turning…

Will Maher
February 2, 2026