Roaring 20s-Themed Frosh Formal Ends When Student Shot To Death In Pool

A yearly tradition ended in tragedy late Saturday night when freshman Jay Garbsby was found floating facedown in the Avery Aquatic Center by campus police.

“Well, we’d been at Frosh Formal for a while” Nick Maguire, Garbsby’s roommate, told officers investigating the incident. “And Jay was going real hard, acting like he owned the place. He called one of the sober monitors an ‘old money cockshit’, and at one point he just sorta spaced out and stared at this green strobe light for 45 minutes.”

Then, when Maguire insisted the two friends leave the Roaring 20s-themed dance early, things took a turn for the worse.

“I managed to get Jay onto his bike, and we started heading back to the dorm, but I think he was still pretty pumped up from the dance; his glasses were all askew, and he was biking way too fast. And then he entered the Circle of Death and, bam, he hit this random girl outta nowhere.”

Maguire then helped escort the girl to Vaden, becoming the last person to see Garbsby until an hour later, when, drawn by the sound of a lone gunshot, campus police discovered his bloated corpse floating facedown in the Avery water polo pool, a lone bullet in his back.

At press time, officers had received an anonymous tip that the killer was the injured girl’s boyfriend, and had tracked him down to a speakeasy hidden in the far back of the dance.

This tragedy follows last year’s equally disastrous Frosh Formal, a Titanic-themed dance that involved an unprecedented number of sharks.

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