Wait, Is It Too Late For Us To Endorse A Candidate?

November 8, 2016 12:00 pm
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Wait, Is It Too Late For Us To Endorse A Candidate?

BREAKING NEWS: Apparently the election is…this week? Oh goddammit. Isn’t there something about how a leap year makes the election a little later or something? Are elections always on leap years? What about daylight savings…Is that a thing?

Well we’ve got to be honest — we haven’t really been paying attention to the election for the last few months, so give us a moment to collect our thoughts here. Let’s start with the basics. Apparently Wikipedia defines politics as “the process of making decisions applying to all members of a group.” Sounds easy enough… Just make a Doodle poll, right? Moving on.

A President — which is what we believe this election is about — is a person who presides. To preside is to be somewhere. Okay. We have, uh, a few hours to influence the masses. And we need to pick a person who is better at…presiding. Huh, that doesn’t sound right. Maybe Urban Dictionary has a better definiti— URBAN DICTIONARY DOES NOT HAVE A BETTER DEFINITION. We’re choosing the better Presider, err President.

Alright, according to Wikipedia, a few months ago, there were a few crazy people running, but we probably weeded those people out, right? Like the really cartoonish ones? There were a whole bunch of liars and also a surgeon. Let’s just check CNN.com to see who’s been elected to represent.

Okay, not a problem. I guess they left in a few of the really cartoonish characters. That’s fine. That’s totally fine. Everything will be fine. EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. You know why? Because write-in candidates are a thing still. Yeah… Cool, in that case, write-in Flipside for President. Because…we’re good at presiding.

We, the Flipside, officially endorse us, the Flipside, for President. Yes.