Advice Column: How To Make The Most Of Your Junior Year With Captain Crunch, The Cartoon Explorer
Are you a Stanford student who just got over the “sophomore slump”, but have found junior year to be just as tough and confusing? Fear not, the Stanford Flipside has got you covered. We were fortunate enough to sit down and talk about some of the hardest problems juniors at Stanford face with none other than Cap’n Crunch, the cartoon cereal explorer.
Q: Hey Cap’n, getting an internship is tough! I keep applying to all of these different companies, but none of them have gotten back to me. What should I do to get my foot in the door?
Jobless in Jerry
CC: Hey Jobless, great question. Finding summer employment can certainly be difficult and stressful, lord knows I’ve had my own share of difficulties in the job hunt! A solution to this problem I’ve found to be particularly effective s to drive a large, wooden ship through the wall of the company you’re applying to, and present them with your favorite balanced breakfast. This way, employers know that you’re both assertive and practical, works every time!
Q: Cap’n, I’ve been trying to find a boyfriend for all of college, but nothing has really stuck. Can you offer any advice to impress that special someone?
Lonely in La Maison Francais
CC: Sorry to hear about this, I’m sure the right one is out for you somewhere! Whenever I’m trying to win over the affection of a romantic interest, I always start by examining them very closely through my spyglass, to the point where their bodies break down into many, many pieces of delicious breakfast cereal, and then reforms into an animated version of themselves. This tends to be a great icebreaker, and serves as an awesome, unique experience that will woo any prospective gentleman. Just remember afterwards to snap your fingers, which will turn them into breakfast cereal once more, but then back into their standard form.
Q: I’ve been feeling awfully tired in the mornings when I have to wake up for my 9am classes, can you recommend a balanced breakfast that will pep me up when I start my day?
Hungry in HumHo
CC: Great fucking question, easy answer. Try a bowl of my very own Chocolately Peanut Butter Crunch with Cinnamon Swirls, Galactic Shaped Marshmallows, and Fudgy Bits. If you can find another breakfast that will turn milk brown, purple, and neon green at the same time, I’ll eat my hat. Hope this helps!