Last week the North Carolina General Assembly voted to ban trans people from bathrooms that do not match the sex they were assigned at birth, prompting criticism across the country for its unambiguous transphobia and discrimination. However, The Flipside’s independent review of North Carolina and its new law has discovered that the state itself is just a  massive, discriminatory bathroom filled with fecal matter that many refer to as “conservative values.”

Republican Governor Pat McCrory, known for his bold positions against Gender Studies courses and the environment in general, commented on The Flipside’s review late Tuesday. “I mean, I thought this was a given. We just passed this measure to make our laws line up with our reality.  We’re just one big bathroom—minus the sink and shower.  We may not be tolerant, but, hey, at least we’re consistent, am I right?”

In 2010 Republicans took control of the state for the first time since the 1800s, and for the past six years – Governor McCrory indicated – it has just been “a straight shot to becoming a bigoted poop-room.” The significant milestones in becoming a discriminatory bathroom, as North Carolina is now nationally recognized, include a ban on Sharia Law, a voter ID law that blocked a 94 year-old black woman from voting (among many more black people obviously), and the purchase of millions of rolls of Charmin toilet paper. The Flipside, along with civil liberties groups, would recommend that students dump their timber in more tolerant lavatories.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…