After a Winter Quarter marked by heavy episodic drinking, sophomore Natalie Simmons decided to utilize her week-long break from classes and parties by drinking purely for the sake of being intoxicated.

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As she explained, “It just felt right—the timing of it, that is.

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There’s no better way to honor a break in my weekly schedule, often frequented by binge drinking, to drink a little more.

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Plus, I thought it would act as a nice pregame for Spring Quarter!”

 Simmons noted the importance of demonstrating to other colleges that Stanford is cool in her public displays of her drinking prowess, saying: “I wore a Stanford headband so that bystanders would know about my elite brain cells and how I was willing to kill them with excessive drinking. It was definitely the right way to celebrate a break from hitting the Row every weekend.

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Of course, as Simms explained, he decision to binge drink wasn’t easy. “Originally,” she said, “I was planning to explore Mexico, read a book, or play board games with my friends.

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But then I remembered that I didn’t have classes, and that I did have an open bar.

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” Simmons’ friends corroborated the story, claiming that Simmons only realized she wanted to celebrate Spring Break with binge drinking after seven seconds of contemplating if she was an alcoholic.

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