Seeking to avoid a repeat of Iowa’s tie-related tumult , Presidential hopefuls Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders announced Sunday that they would go shot-for-shot with fingers of whiskey in the event of a draw in Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary.
Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz explained, “Should New Hampshire’s outcome mirror Iowa’s, our two candidates will engage in a mano a mano shot-for-shot throw down, with either one taking scotch to the face until the loser calls it quits. We simply can’t have our party’s nomination coming down to coin tosses and razor-thin margins of error- this is a much more definitive mechanism for determining our standard barer for 2016.”
Representatives from both campaigns praised the move, with a Sanders spokesperson commenting, “For too long, the billionaire class has utilized arcane campaign finance rules to buy our elections. This will allow our party to choose its nominee in the way our Founding Fathers envisioned.” Hillary Clinton responded in kind, tweeting, “Bring it on, motherfucker.”