Not content with simply housing the highest number of undergraduates and, starting this year, the highest number of female undergraduates, Stanford’s CS department has further developed its plans of territorial expansion by relocating the Lair to the entire second floor of Old Union.

“What many people don’t know,” said CS department chair Alex Aiken, “is that not everyone currently majors in CS. Clearly, that is something we must rectify and if encroaching upon every building on campus is the method by which needed social change happens, then so be it. It’s really a process of immersion more than anything.”

The Lair, a garbage place full of sadness and despair, was relocated to the second floor of Old Union this year after its original location in Tresidder was designated for use as office space. Its relocation has led to hordes of CS students sitting on floors and chairs and rooms inside Old Union, waiting patiently for the distant call of a CS TA. While this may seem a hindrance to the numerous student groups that use Old Union regularly, Aiken was unabashed.

“Frankly, we won’t rest until every person on this campus feels the weight of our mechanized boot heels. Nor will we rest until every other major has been eradicated like the filthy rat-vermin that they are. The second floor is ours now. It is ours.”

Reports indicate that further moves will be made to take over Pigott Hall and the TAPs rehearsal space.

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