Hey, here’s an unpopular opinion I’m not afraid to share. Paul McCartney is the worst Beatle. I know it’s all cool to hate on Ringo, but objectively, Paul is the least talented and meanest Beatle there ever was. ‘Hey Jude’ is a lazy song, there I said it; it’s just there because he couldn’t be bothered to write real lyrics. Don’t even get me started on his part of ‘A Day in the Life.’ Oh, and I’ve always found him to be incredibly rude in person. One time, he called me a racist-ass motherfucker. Admittedly, I was being racist at the time, but that’s beside the point.

Paul McCartney is a thief. One time, I was sitting next to him at a baseball game and venerable Giants shortstop Brandon Crawford threw a ball into the stands. Some lousy kid started bawling his eyes out, so of course Brandon throws him the ball. It was my goddamn ball by right, so I snatched it out of his sniveling hands and claimed it as my own. Then Paul snatched it back, rained down a series of righteous blows upon me, and gave the ball back to that 6-year-old punk. Paul McCartney is a thief and should be convicted for grievous bodily harm.

This was not the end, no. Paul once caught me in bed with his then-girlfriend, Jane Asher, and was not chill about it at all. In fact, he called me a cad and a layabout, words that I did not appreciate. Paul McCartney is the worst Beatle, and I should know because, he hates me. 

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Following investigation of lecturer Alex Gould, SEC realizes that entirety of Stanford University is and elaborate, multi-tiered marketing pyramid scheme led by MTL

Last month, the Univeristy was shocked when the United States Securities and…