ARRILLAGA DINING COMMONS – Back in 2007, R&DE made a large investment in a campaign to diversify the food options on campus. Before long, flavorful herbs like “arugula,” fresh vegetables like “avocado,” and exotic fish colloquially known as “salmon” became staples of on-campus eateries.

“It’s pretty remarkable how much our eating facilities have expanded in the past few years,” says Meredith Blumen, Executive Director of Stanford Dining Services. “In fact, it seems like we’ve diversified our palates so much, that we’ve completely run out of foods to offer students.”

That’s where James Peterson comes in. Peterson’s sole purpose is to invent the names of the food that you eat at your local dining hall. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen a dining enterprise offer so many different options and still thoroughly and consistently disappoint its patrons. After consulting with experts, we found that the thing students want most is to have even more options,” stated Peterson. Before long, Peterson and his team began developing feasible-sounding names for a number of foods that all taste the same.

“Amaranth, sorghum, teff, spelt – you name it, we got it. Well, actually I name it,” chuckled Peterson. When asked which of the entirely-made-up foods was his favorite, Peterson responded “It’s all the same shit.”

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