Ask a Dog Flying Alone in the Baggage Compartment

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Middle Toe Deemed Less Obscene Gesture

Dear Dog Flying Alone in the Baggage Compartment,

I can’t seem to find a way to stay in touch with my friends from high school. Any suggestions?

-Alone in Alondra

Woof. It’s dark. Help. I’m alone and everything smells.

Dear DFABC,

I’m always procrastinating on homework and I’m tired of the all-nighters. How do I get motivated?

-Procrastinating in Paloma

Is someone there? Woof. Woof woof.

Dear DFABC,

I think my boyfriend might be cheating on me. How can I be sure?

-Suspicious in Serra

Woof. I peed and pooped in the cage and I just stepped in it and it’s dark. This cage is very much mine now.

Dear DFABC,

My parents are getting a divorce. I’ve moved out already but it’s still a shock. How did you deal with your parents’ divorce?

-Distressed in Donner

Grrr. I wonder if I can get out of this cage if I…nope. It’s sideways now. It’s dark and I’m sideways. Woof woof.

Sustainability Success: EPA Director Scott Pruitt Has Murdered Enough Babies to Make America Carbon Neutral

It’s been a tough year for Scott Pruitt, but it looks like things might finally be turning around for the recentlyappointed Environmental Protection Agency head. In a press release Tuesday, Pruitt proudly reported that the United States has achieved a netzero aggregate carbon footprint for the first time in recent history, all due to Pruitt’s innovative “Murder Our Rugrats Order Ninety” strategy. The MORON initiative has now completed its first 6 months in operation, and the numbers tell a promising story. Before the program began, there were approximately 4 million babies in the United States and the country had a total carbon footprint of 6,870 million metric tons of carbon dioxide equivalents. Since the strategy was implemented, the agency has disposed of 3. online pharmacy xifaxan…