As college application season rolls around again, hundreds of thousands of high school seniors are struggling with the timeless question, that of who has deeply influenced their lives other than MLK or Gandhi.

“It’s so difficult!” said one high school senior. “All my life, I’ve only looked up to Dr. King, and now I need to find someone else to write about.”

The college application process is stressful for all high school seniors, but the demands placed upon them by top-tier universities are sometimes too much to bear. “You can’t just be a straight-A student that does crew and plays the oboe,” said Brooke Holmes from Maryland. “Those guys are a dime a dozen. But, if I were to pick an alternative role model, things would be different.” Holmes went on to name a few of her options, including Genesis guitarist, Mike Rutherford.

Those applying to top schools have also chafed against other increasingly vague essay questions. “Look, I’m sure that I can obtain some intellectual vitality, I just need to know where to buy it and what it looks like,” said a Colorado senior.

Still, those searching for role models are not without a back-up plan. “I’m thinking that maybe I could write about the personal effect that Nelson Mandela has had on my life, despite the fact that I have literally no connection to South Africa in any way whatsoever,” said a Florida student. “Or maybe I could just spell Gandhi’s name ‘Ghandi’. That’s original, right?”

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