A recent report filed by Flipside foreign correspondent Sarah Walters has confirmed that the sad events in some far and obscure country have now reached crisis levels, despite the fact that you are living quite comfortably.

“We’re talking about a magnitude 9.5 on the International Complete Disaster Scale,” said United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon in a Friday press conference.  “That would be unbelievably horrible if you lived anywhere near where this is happening.”

Flipside reporters on the ground have painted a horrifying picture of an apocalyptic setting in the war torn country located in the Middle East or Sub-Saharan Africa or somewhere far away like that.  “There is chaos in the streets, and homes and business have been reduced to rubble,” reports Walters, “all while you are far, far away, and absolutely fine”.

Secretary of State John Kerry had this to say of the awful situation: “You should probably be concerned, but not too concerned, because your life won’t really be affected in any significant way…you should still feel bad though.”

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