On Tuesday, Freshman Kristen Beltrone stepped outside of her dorm to find that a deluge of water droplets was being released from the sky. Try as she might, she could not flee this sky-water’s grip; it poured out unrelentingly for as far as she could see, forming small pools on the street and dripping down the sides of buildings.

“Is this the apocalypse?” she wondered aloud, “Or is this some sort of ecological disaster? The sky has turned grey. In Palos Verdes, the sky is blue in the day and black at night. Did we break the sky? Are we being punished for our sins?”

Sources indicate that Beltrone speedily biked to MemChu for a last-minute baptism and confession.

Of course, she wasn’t alone in her confusion. Her classmate, Adam Song from La Mesa, California, told reporters, “I thought it was a weird nightmare. I’d never seen anything like it; the earth had turned cold and silver, and the sky was breaking into little pieces that fell before me. It made me wonder if it was all a dream, or if the last two weeks had all been part of a weird mushroom trip and if I was still at my hotel in Cabo for spring break. But apparently this is normal.”

His roommate, a Seattleite, had a completely different reaction. “When I first got here,” he said, “I was so worried. The sky had turned as blue as water, and there was this big ball of fire in the middle of it. I’ve spent every day afraid to go outside, lest I get burned or drown in the water above me. This rain is such a relief; I can finally go to some of my classes. Thank god.”

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