Board of Trustees To Buy $4.2 Million of “Contemplation Toilets”

April 30, 2012 6:00 am
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Board of Trustees To Buy $4.2 Million of “Contemplation Toilets”

After an extensive study regarding the contemplation resources available on campus, the Stanford Board of Trustees took a decisive action in a vote this past week and designated 4.2 million dollars for construction of contemplation toilets. Board member Louis Calloway explained, “We’ve realized that students here just weren’t doing enough contemplating, so we commissioned a study to learn what types of environments were most conducive to profound thought and deep personal inquiry. While many people enjoy contemplating in a library or in their rooms, the most popular place for contemplation is in a locked bathroom stall. Contemplation toilets were the logical next step.”

Chief toilet designer Pierre LaPoux explained, “These toilets are going to be out of this world- expertly crafted by top engineers and streamlined for ideation, contemplation, and relaxation. The seat will curve so as to delicately cradle the buttocks, while offering the lumbar support needed to fully focus on the ideas that matter.” Further sources indicate the toilets will not be connected to plumbing of any sort. Should you need to relieve yourself while you contemplate, bathrooms can be found a short walk away in the engineering quad. With no flushing capabilities whatsoever, these are the most environmentally friendly contemplation locations ever constructed outside of Japan.

Contemplation stalls will be designed to encourage collaboration. Walls separating adjacent stalls will not extend to the ground, facilitating group discussion and allowing students to see and interact with the feet of their fellow contemplaters. Calloway quipped, “We want to provide world class facilities for our students, and that means great toilets.”

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