Recent reports seem to indicate that ‘cum’ is again the Latin preposition that holds the greatest influence over the English language. These studies measured the frequency of use of the many Latin prepositions, and cum surged ahead, appearing in phrases as diverse as ‘magna cum laude’, ‘plumber cum electrician’ and ‘Dude, I just left a huge cum stain on my sheets.’ The preposition, standing in firm denial of the idea that Latin is a dying language, is in fact gaining traction among today’s youth, who speak lovingly of the wonders of being with-shot, with-soaked and with-stained, all of which show their dedication to maintaining the nobility and decency of the Latin language.

Stanford freshman and prospective Kappa Sigma rushee Wilhelm Smit advocated firmly for the word’s usage in an interview with this reporter, stating, “Dude, it’s so freaking versatile, like, now you can text a girl and be like, ‘r u cuming over… 😉 #tryna’ and they totally know that you’re a classy guy who knows exactly how to give a girl what she wants. Talking about the cum, brah.”

Although other Latin prepositions such as ante and apud have dwindled in popularity, cum is experiencing an explosion of usage, rising to the top like the linguistic cream it is. Although some content that this is merely a superficial trend, such accusations are categorically incorrect. As high school junior Jack Carter explained, “If she ain’t with-ing, you ain’t trying.”

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