With Special Fees petitions beginning to circulate campus, many students are initially skeptical of SHRPC’s proposed 92% budget increase. As ardent defenders of the integrity of the Special Fees process, the Stanford Flipside has taken it upon itself to explore SHPRC’s plans for a sexual health and peer resource revolution, and demonstrate the bargain value that this budget represents…
It seems most appropriate, of course, to start with the bread-and-butter of SHRPC: male condoms. The expanded Special Fees budget represents a dramatic opportunity to increase condom availability to students, based on the unique needs of the Stanford community.
“We have always preached that wearing two condoms is dangerous because the friction can cause the condoms to tear,” a SHPRC member explained. “Because of this, being the conscientious bunch that they are, Stanford students will often wear three or four condoms at a time to ensure they are completely protected during sexual intercourse.”
But the condom experience does not stop there. SHPRC has budgeted $7,250 in Honoraria Fees to bring “professionals” to campus who will conduct one-on-one, hands-on tutorials in students’ dorm room regarding the appropriate application of both male and female condoms.
“In a worst-case scenario event when students neglect safe sex practices, we always have pregnancy tests available at Vaden,” SHPRC’s budget proposal stated. “However, given the scientific rigor that many students desire, they often demand to test in triplicate, and our new budget will allow us to order three times as many pregnancy tests to meet such demand.”
Finally, the capstone project of SHPRC’s new initiatives is the 5-SHAME program. Bolstered by the $15,000 budgeted in Equipment Purchases, SHPRC will be launching a fleet of 5-SHAME vehicles designed to give students free rides home between the hours of 5 and 11 AM so they are not forced to do the walk-of-shame across campus.
“Given all the exciting new changes coming to our program, we consider our Special Fees budget to be of great value to the student body,” SHPRC concluded. “Our budget is right there with the $37,490 being requested by the Student Space Initiative to send high-altitude balloons into the atmosphere, so we think we are doing pretty well.”