While most of Stanford campus struggles in the frosty grip of winter, with temperatures dipping as low as 60 degrees, Sigma Nu has been experiencing what can only be called a micro-microclimate, a small patch of unseasonably warm weather within the Palo Alto microclimate. To cope with the heat, Sigma Nu brothers have no choice but to leave their plaid shirts behind.

Commented one resident, “I like my shirts, I didn’t buy themes so they could hang unused in my closet. But I just can’t handle this kind of heat with it on. It’s a struggle to keep my pants on.” Other residents added, “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity!”

Experts have suggested several possible causes for this meteorological phenomenon, from underground vents to “something with the jet stream.” Regardless, it has become clear that residents and visitors of Sigma Nu face the very real danger of heat stroke. One freshman, unaware of the risk he was taking, opted to keep his shirt on during a brief stay in the fraternity and soon collapsed under the hot sun.

“His body wasn’t beach-ready yet,” lamented the victims older brother and brother of Sigma Nu. “We will strive to keep this tragedy from ever happening again.” The fraternity has since placed a sign reading “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Heat Stroke,” and will in the meantime combat the heat with ice cold brews and bro tanks.

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