Scandal is the word on campus this week, in the wake of Flipside writer John O’maley’s confession that nearly all his reporting to date has been entirely fabricated. The esteemed campus publication’s scramble to distance itself from the rogue reporter has thrown the student body into confusion over what they can – and cannot – believe. In an attempt to alleviate the damage being dealt to his burgeoning career, O’Maley held a conference last Sunday to explain his actions.
“I couldn’t help it,” mumbled the downcast O’Maley during his shocking announcement, “The pressure of writing an article every week is pretty huge, you know, and all of my friends kept digging up great stories. I only wanted, no I needed to be a part of that. If anything the blame lies with the system, that demands such standards from reporters.”
The Flipside Council of Elders released an official response, stating, “The Flipside is committed to publishing articles entirely based on true facts, and we were very sorry to learn that an individual amongst us has been producing fabrications for such a long period of time. The Flipside prides itself on having very strict procedures to ensure that every article is truth-based: we host monthly conferences about the philosophy of journalism and the consequences of presenting falsities to the general public, and during our initiation period, we whack our recruits over the head with paddles with the words ‘GOD ALWAYS KNOWS’ written on them. We would like to stress that nothing like this will ever happen again.”