Despite assurances that he only attended fraternity rush events for the “free food” and the “irony of the whole thing,” reports are surfacing that freshman Joe Sommerstein has become quite invested in his fraternity’s pledging process over the last few weeks.
“I have to commit myself to the joke of it all,” explained Sommerstein to his friends, none of whom really saw him as the kind of guy who would get Greek letters tattooed on his left ass-cheek all in the name of “seeing a funny story through to the end.”
Sommerstein insists that his “satirical” gesture is completely in keeping with his detached perspective on fraternities, and is “completely 100% a joke, really, as is my new found perspective on what it means to be a friend and a brother.”
“Isn’t it ironic how I’m still really involved in the whole pledging thing? I mean, you can’t even fathom some of the shit they’ve put me through,” said Sommerstein, “Good thing I’m not really serious about any of this…can you believe there are people who are actually really into this kind of stuff?”
At press time, Sommerstein’s friends had lost their patience with his antics, but he now has a close network of supportive fraternity brothers to turn to in his time of need.