Hey, listen. Yeah, I know we’ve never talked, but I saw you from over there, and, well, there’s no easy way to say this…but that’s my sock, yeah, that one, on your foot. Look, it doesn’t even match your other one. I don’t know how you didn’t notice when you were getting dressed. Hey, calm down, I’m not accusing you of anything. I get it, I often rush while I do laundry, I probably left it in the washer by mistake and then you used the same machine. But when you got back to your room and put your clothes away, you really should have caught that. It doesn’t take that long to send an e-mail out asking if anyone is missing a sock. Or, I mean, there are lost and found bins in the laundry room. You could have just thrown it in a bin. Is that so hard? No, it doesn’t have any sentimental value. I wasn’t losing any sleep over it, but now I have an unmatched sock and I guess I’ll have to throw it out, and that’s kind of a bummer. But then I saw you wearing it and it’s, like, the principle of the matter. What, do you want me to just keep living my life in silence watching you parade around in my sock? Well, yeah, I do want it back. You don’t have to give it back right now. That would be ridiculous. But, like, sometime soon. Get it to me soon. Give me my sock.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

I Was Going to Let My Daughter Draw on Our Walls So She Could Express Herself, But Her Composition Was Shit and She Clearly Doesn’t Grasp Proper Symmetry So I Bleached the Walls

My daughter somehow found the crayon set I bought when I decided…

Opinion: Tiger Woods Gives Us a Bad Name





By Tony the Tiger 
 Over the past several decades I, along…

Op-Ed: Is That Guy Over There An Asshole Cigarette Smoker or a Cool Weed Smoker?

Hmmm. That cloud of smoke. The red light off the end of…