What up, flipsluts? It’s your boy Skanky Bobby, comin’ at you with a hella fresh new edition of my panty-moistenin’, critically-acclaimed column: Sex Talk with Skanky Bobby. This week I have somethin’ a bit special for all my killas out there, somethin’ I know y’all are gonna flip for. Skanky Bobby gonna teach you how to get some of that fine-ass laboratory labia, that chemistry coochie.

“But Bobby, my man,” you’re probably askin’, “I’m a wimpy, bespectacled, twig of a man, with no hope of ever finding love or happiness in a romantic world dominated by the physically fit and charismatic.” Well you know what I got to say to that, chief? I say shut your potpie-hole, you whinin’ sack of sadness. You should know by now that followin’ my advice gets you instantaneous action. So let’s get to the shits, how ‘bout it?

First off, you can apply classic techniques to any setting, even the chemistry lab. Tell her those pants make her percent error look big. Say that her eyes look foggy in those goggles. ‘Course, then there’s extra attack strategies that’re battleground specific. Your main asset here is the chemical shower, get her in there by any means necessary. Also, if you’re a quip-junky, you could go with the classic “How’d you like to see my reaction mechanism?” or “Lemme stop-cock your Erlenmeyer Flask.” Just be careful with how you phrase it, cause this ain’t no party, no run-of-the-mill bar environment. If she get pissed, the lady isn’t gonna throw a drink in your face; it’s gonna be some harsh-ass chemicals.

That’s all for this week. Got to go to office hours, if you know what I’m saying’. Skanky Bobby out.

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