McKinsey and Co.’s Stanford campus recruiter, Sarah Jennings, was fired from her post last Monday after admitting to only attending job fairs to get the free giveaways distributed by job-seeking students.

The embattled 27-year-old management consultant confided that it was hard to take giveaways from students without feigning some sort of interest. “I usually tried to strike up a conversation and ask just enough questions to make it look like there was actually a chance we could hire them. By then, I usually felt comfortable asking for their resume, cover letter, business card, letter of recommendation…whatever they happened to be giving away for free.”

Jennings’ firing is likely to unveil a rampant underground culture, as anonymous sources told Flipside reporters that recruiters often compete against each other to see who can get the most “free shit” at each job fair. Allegedly, recruiters even compete for bonus points in categories like “greatest ethnic diversity of students engaged,” “most obviously fabricated resume,” and “most egregious misuse of the word ‘synergy’ in a cover letter.”

When asked about the fate of all the free memorabilia accumulated at job fairs, Jennings replied incredulously, “What!?! All this shit? We use these resumes as toilet paper. Nobody gets hired based on this, of course.”

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