Dean Julie to Step Down in June: “If IHUM Goes, I Go”

April 11, 2012 6:00 am
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Dean Julie to Step Down in June: “If IHUM Goes, I Go”

After years of loyal service to Stanford, Julie Lythcott-Haims, Dean of Freshmen and Undergraduate Advising, has officially declared that she will resign from her position in June. Yet this will not be a calm and easy resignation into the shadows. In a press conference at the Sweet Hall, Dean Julie fervently announced, “I warned you all that if IHUM goes, I go!” She stormed out of the building, shoving past President Hennessy and springing upon her bike. Dean Julie was spotted that night at the School of Humanities and Sciences, the department in charge of the IHUM program, throwing toilet paper on the building and spraying the words “IHUM 4 life ” and “Dean Julie wuz here” on the walls.

“We should have seen her resignation coming from a mile away. The night we replaced IHUM with Thinking Matters, Dean Julie locked herself in her room. She wouldn’t stop crying, ate two cartons of ice cream, and was caught re-watching taped lectures of Humans and Machines until 4 AM,” stated President Hennessy. “She’s been going crazy ever since IHUM was cancelled.”

Currently the Stanford Police are aggressively searching for Dean Julie, as she has been sabotaging Sweet Hall and her current undergraduate advisors’ offices. The Senate and the Committee on Undergraduate Standards and Policy issued a response saying, “Just like IHUM and Jim Harbaugh, Dean Julie is replaceable.”