If you asked me I would say I’m not the most knowledgeable person in the realm of politics. I don’t care much for the talking heads on stage; they’re all corrupt and trying to play to our emotions to rise to power if you ask me. However, there has been one candidate that has caught my eye. He isn’t a breath of fresh air in this field dominated by blowhards—he offers something far more significant. One could say he offers a stimulus package better than Barack Obama’s and man does it stimulate my package. This man is Ron Paul, and boy does he have a great ass.

I don’t care how firm he is on the war on terror, but his seeing his firm backside on the televised Republican debates is reassuring. Seeing his majestic buttocks romping around while discussing the recession makes me forget about my 9 months of joblessness. I’m not sure if his economic plans will make stocks rise, all I do know is that seeing him and that chiseled badonkadonk on stage sure makes my heat rise. I mean let’s face it, the man is 76, but having that rock solid gluteus in the oval office would sure as hell strike fear into Al Qaeda’s heart. Believe me when I say that voting for this man should be every citizen’s first priority. It would surely increase the United States’ ASSets if we all did.

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