The young movers and shakers of today’s competitive world often drop out of college to focus on their own endeavors. It therefore came as no surprise to friends of sophomore Joseph Larson when he announced on Friday morning his intention to leave Stanford in order to dedicate himself full-time to the development of his beard.

“I saw it coming since the beginning of freshman year,” said Larson’s roommate John Fleisch. “He tried to keep his project under the razor, but you couldn’t help but notice the signs. There was never a shadow of a doubt that his five o’ clock shadow was destined for greatness.”

“With the pressures of everyday college life — the psets, the tests, the stressful bike rides — there just wasn’t enough time for me to focus fully on my follicles,” said Larson, speaking to Flipside reporters in his dorm room as he pensively stroked his promising patch of chin stubble. “I think there’s really a lot of potential in this venture. After overcoming a close shave with disaster, first quarter growth is now looking promising, and I think a merger with my sideburns and chest hair is a real possibility in the coming months.”

“To be honest, I think there are a lot of untapped resources for this kind of project in other areas of my body, and I’ll definitely be looking to expand towards the South,” elaborated Larson. The budding entrepreneur plans to document his journey from bare to beard in his blog “Off the Cutting Edge” and is already fielding sponsorship offers from companies likes Gillette and Norelco.

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