Friends and relatives gathered to celebrate the 100th issue of the increasingly senile Stanford Flipside this week, mainly stemming from a sense of obligation due to the significance of the event. Though the Flipside is years removed from its glory days of Obama bailout package innuendo jokes and Bed Intruder YouTube references, party guests still felt obligated to pay their respects to the formerly-funny fake news source.
After welcoming its guests, The Flipside, heavily medicated after dual hip-and-rebus-puzzle-replacement surgery last week, napped throughout most of the event. Since the surgery, the Flipside has mainly been reduced to using a Segway to get around the house.
“Its getting sad at this point,” expressed longtime friend of the Flipside and bored Stern lunchtime diner Steven Johnson, “Its just the same old jokes and stories over and over again. Andrew Luck, Four Loko, Rick Perry…repeat.”
Younger generations have also expressed concern for the Flipside’s less-than-progressive social commentaries.
“I don’t want to say the Flipside is racist per se,” tentatively explained freshman Judith Williams, “But it seems to make a lot of off-color references about blacks and gays that make everyone a little uncomfortable.”
The event concluded when the Flipside rose to halfhearted chanting of “speech, speech” and angrily called the Stanford Daily “a bunch of liberal jackasses,” not realizing that the Daily was sitting a few seats away. The rant abruptly ended when the Flipside got up to pee for the seventh time that night.