Hope springs anew in the war- and poverty-plagued middle east as Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan holds democratic elections following the toppling of its long-standing dictatorship. Already, the new terrorist-sponsored regime is in place and implementing such progressive policies as gender-neutral stoning for adulterers, and a proposed economic overhaul that redistributes guns to the lower classes. Optimism is the word today in Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan. “I really think this time it will be different,” said one man on the scene, as the secret police helped him into an unmarked van. Truly, a new day dawns, marked by, in the dictator-elect’s own words, “equality, fraternity, and freedom for all men, and only men, who are racially pure, heterosexual, and adhere strictly to sharia law, forever except sometimes.”

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