Hope springs anew in the war- and poverty-plagued middle east as Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan holds democratic elections following the toppling of its long-standing dictatorship. Already, the new terrorist-sponsored regime is in place and implementing such progressive policies as gender-neutral stoning for adulterers, and a proposed economic overhaul that redistributes guns to the lower classes. Optimism is the word today in Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan. “I really think this time it will be different,” said one man on the scene, as the secret police helped him into an unmarked van. Truly, a new day dawns, marked by, in the dictator-elect’s own words, “equality, fraternity, and freedom for all men, and only men, who are racially pure, heterosexual, and adhere strictly to sharia law, forever except sometimes.”

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Johnny Beauregard Wins Tic-Tac-Toe World Championship

Deep in the renowned basement of Mike’s All-You-Can-Eat BBQ Buffet, a legend…

Sesame street introduces new voting segment where Big Bird chases undecided voters down the street and beats them until they promise to vote for Joe Biden