STERN DINING—In response to the recent downward trend in student diners at Stern Dining, General Manager Ron Bryan has implemented a “Frequent Diners” incentive program to increase student interest in the iconic East Campus facility.

“We are fighting for our way of life. Ever since the behemoth Arrillaga facility opened across the street, historic eateries like Stern Dining have been marginalized in campus society.”

At the heart of the new system, is a newly-developed currency called $tern Bux, which students receive each time they swipe their ID card at the entrance.  Each meal swipe will earn students $100, while dedicated students who wake up in time for breakfast will be rewarded with a bonus $200.

Once accumulated, students can redeem the $tern Bux for special activities and prizes. $1000 earns a student the use of a tray at his or her meal, while 3000 $tern Bux can be redeemed for a free meal at Arrillaga Dining Commons. There is even some speculation that the athletic department will award Big Game loyalty points to anyone who swipes their card at brunch this Sunday.

Despite the promising potential of the new program, student response has been largely characterized by skepticism and disappointment.

“The deal looked good up front, but that was before I read all the fine print. They roped me into their contract, and before I knew it I was committed to eating there for the next two years,” explained a disgruntled Donner freshman between bites of overcooked hamburger meat.

Representatives from Stern have reached out to Manzanita Dining for additional tips on how to reclaim dissatisfied students.

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