After recent changes in the Earth’s alignment, a new Zodiac symbol, Ophiuchus has been announced. With the creation of this new sign, Zodiac dates have been entirely shifted around, and with this change, the stars have become misaligned for millions of couples around the world.

“Well I was an Aries and my husband was a Sagittarius,” said recent divorcee Susan Willer. “Now I’m a Pisces and he is a Scorpio. He used to be so adventurous, but now he’s just a dreamy romantic. I can’t have that.”

“Something is different now, and I can’t explain what it is,” said Valerie Edsin, another divorcee. “Tom just became so reserved and contemplative one day. And all the magic seems to have disappeared.”

This is the sad story for millions of couples around the world. The Edsin’s oldest son, Sam, who previously said he wanted to live with his father, has now changed his opinion because he just became a Capricorn.

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