The US House Committee on Foreign Affairs revealed that last week’s referendum in Southern Sudan was actually a plot by game manufacture Parker Brothers in an attempt to produce an updated version of RISK, the game of global domination.

Critics immediately became skeptical of the allegations, claiming that the fragmentation of Sudan into two smaller nations was not enough of a global political shift to merit releasing a new RISK board.  The report issued by the house committee, however, attempted to erase such doubts, “Commanding generals now need to account for Sudan’s political upheaval when conquering the territories of Egypt, the Congo, and East Africa.  Controlling all of Africa has become a more difficult task, and those who succeed deserve more than three armies at the beginning of each turn.”

Of course, such a tactical strategy was a gamble for the Rhode Island-based game company, but, as RISK proves, global domination cannot be achieved without rolling the dice.

A company spokesman declined comment when asked what would happen if the referendum failed, but such silence has become the norm from Parker Brothers representatives. The same corporation remained equally tight lipped about plans to foment rebellion and establish the independent nations of Ural and Kamchatka, while also declining to explain to the Ukrainian delegate from the UN why his relatively insignificant nation occupies an obnoxiously massive portion of the Eurasian landmass.

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