Last Thursday, a hobbit colony was discovered underneath the new Engineering Quad in Stanford. Despite going unnoticed for almost two months of school, hobbits have been peacefully living under those hills in the quad.

The University is still undecided about what to do about the hobbit infestation. “You know, we hobbits are peaceful folk,” said hobbit representative Julian Gamgee, a descendant of the great Samwise. “It’d be a shame if we were kicked out, especially before second breakfast.”

While the University understands the hobbits’ conundrum, it is unsure about promoting their lifestyle of smoking and drinking all day long. Mostly, the worry is that undead horsemen will come to campus looking for someone. President Hennessy said, “We just won’t tolerate such behavior.”

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