In an unexpected move by the college ranking website College Prowler, Stanford girls jumped from a C+ rating to an A- following a surprise inspection that took place over the weekend of April 9-11. Stanford males were shocked at the news, reporting that their interactions with hot girls had not improved.

A College Prowler spokesman explained the new rating: “We were impressed by the quality of girls that were wandering campus during our weekend visit. We also received reports the following week that attractive women were present at fraternity rush events.”
The spokesman added that on the weekend of April 9-11, “Stanford girls were just as attractive as girls at traditional heavyweights such as USC and ASU.”

Rob Hops, a Stanford freshman interviewed at a Kappa Sig mud-wrestling event agreed with the report. He said that he had almost given up hope that good-looking Stanford girls existed, but was pleasantly surprised that night. “It’s unbelievable,” he said. “These girls actually try to look good. It’s like they’re not even worried about their problem sets.”

College Prowler stated that they are currently working with the Stanford Statistics Department to determine the cause of this improbable and unprecedented spike in attractiveness. 

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