Lately, our country has been swept by a sort of neo-nostalgic nationalism, if you know what I mean. There are just tons of groups popping up advocating for the rights of fetuses and the unborn. Well I’m not going to tackle all of our civil liberties dilemmas at once–but if I know one thing, it’s that we have to stop these groups from taking things too far. Give the fetuses your right to life–hell, give them your rights to privacy and due process as well–but this madness must stop somewhere–and I say, here and now, that we must not ever let these unborn fetuses vote.

America used to be founded on principles, principles like slavery and expansion into Indian territory. This is why we used to have literacy tests to see if you could vote. We couldn’t have slaves and Indians voting if they couldn’t pass some unreasonably difficult reading test!

You think fetuses are any better? Not only do they not speak a language, create art or have rituals, but often, they are only subsisting on the whims of their mother. They just don’t understand the issues. Is this the type of voter we want? Do we really want fetuses deciding our fiscal policy?

I say no, and I urge you to to think long and hard before you allow fetuses the right to vote.

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