Dry Weekend Causes Hundreds of Hospitalizations for Dehydration

April 29, 2013 9:00 am
Views: 226
Dry Weekend Causes Hundreds of Hospitalizations for Dehydration

Due to the University policy of calling for a completely dry campus during Admit Weekend, hundreds of ProFros were sent to the Stanford Hospital for dehydration.  Condemned to pouring powdered dehydrated milk with their cereal at brunch and to splash around in the dust of the empty fountains on campus, ProFros had been seen swaying in the heat and passing out on the campus tours and promptly sent to be hooked up to IVs and regain fluids.  Asked to comment on the outrageous number of hospitalizations over the past weekend, Admit Weekend organizers Nick Laitinen admitted, “We just got so swept up in the fervor of Admit Weekend.”

The Admit Weekend Committee went to extreme lengths to ensure that campus would remain dry as a desert.  Students who attempted to drive off campus to find sweet, sweet relief in the form of gallon jugs of water in Palo Alto were dismayed to learn that the University had siphoned off all of the gas in their cars.  Parched ProFro Alan Wells was overheard saying, “I don’t understand how they drained an entire lake for one weekend!” which was met with the knowing glances and hoarse laughter of current students.

The events of the weekend unintentionally coined a new term: NoH2OFro, referring to any admitted student hospitalized during dorm programming or other activities.  The ProFros given this name wore it like a badge with pride, and immediately committed to Stanford upon returning home.