Some of you may just think I’m your average conspiracy theorist, but that is certainly not the case. I have some reliable inside scoop here, but I won’t tell you exactly where I got the information from (the spirits).

First let me dispel some of the overriding theories for reasons the Mausoleum Party was moved. Some say because it was going to rain–I was there, you were there–it didn’t rain. That proves that one wrong. And do you think a spiritual event such as this would be moved by the earthly claims of your local weatherman? Hardly.

Others say the Mausoleum Party was moved out of respect for the dead. A tempting answer, indeed, but hardly true. This was just one theory concocted by your no-goodnik teenage kids who lack a true understanding of Halloween.

Here’s what happened. Every hundred years the specters, zombies, witches, ghouls, and monsters gather at the nearest Mausoleum to perform ancient and sacred Halloween rituals. This year they happened to be in the bay area, so they aroused all the spirits from the dead, and the OSA moved it to Old Union. That’s really all there is to it.

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