According to exit polls conducted by undercover reporters, 72% of Full Moon attendees were freshmen, while seniors accounted for another 65%. Surprisingly, 0% of poll responders identified themselves as sketchy graduate students. Statisticians in the math department analyzed these curious findings and released their reports late last night. “We have no choice but to conclude that 37% of responders claimed to be both seniors and freshmen, which is anomalous in a statistically significant way,” said graduate student Stephanie Chen, who did not attend.
Field reporters confirmed that something was awry on Tuesday night. Jessica D, who was undercover for The Flipside, noted that several male students told her they were ‘whatever you want me to be’ when she asked their class year. Faculty and students studying this phenomenon have turned to species of fish like the bluehead wrasse for answers. If there are too few males in a school of wrasse, some female fish will change sex to improve the ratio and improve their chances of passing on their genes. Some speculate that these students are fulfilling the same role at Full Moon On The Quad, facilitating more senior-freshman pairing than would otherwise be possible. “My flexibility is key to breaking down barriers,” said one student who adapts to potential partners based on their class year. “If you’re a senior and I’m a senior, why should we let that get in the way? I’ll be a freshman and we can hook up right now.”
