LaIR Relocation Indicative of Greater CS Department Plan

November 2, 2015 12:00 pm
LaIR Relocation Indicative of Greater CS Department Plan

Not content with simply housing the highest number of undergraduates and, starting this year, the highest number of female undergraduates, Stanford’s CS department has further developed its plans of territorial expansion by relocating the Lair to the entire second floor of Old Union. “What many people don’t know,” said CS […]

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Student Poet Finds True Passion In Front-End Programming

October 26, 2015 12:00 pm
Man Using Laptop --- Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

From a young age, Stanford freshman Josh Douglas had always been on a fast track to spend his life as a poet. His parents encouraged him to capture his inner music in verse and Douglas would spend his summers writing in forest clearings around North America, wearing only the skins […]

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AlertSU Test 10-8-2015

October 8, 2015 12:44 pm
AlertSU Test 10-8-2015

12:01 PM: This is a tebst of the Stanford University emergency alert system. This is only a test. In a real event, responders will post additional information on one or more of the university emergency communication outlets. Respond “ok” to acknowledge receipt. End of message. 12:02 PM: *test lol 12:06 PM: Sooo did […]

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Curiosity Finds Love on Mars

October 5, 2015 12:01 pm
Curiosity Finds Love on Mars

NASA scientists announced yesterday that its robotic rover Curiosity has found more than just water on the red planet. The team learned of the news on Friday night when Curiosity updated its mission status from “searching for water” to “in a relationship.” The update came as a surprise to many, […]

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Dad Disappointed No Earth, Wind and Fire on Mars

12:00 pm
Dad Disappointed No Earth, Wind and Fire on Mars
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Lonely Sex Robot Inhabiting Drake’s Brain Achieves Sentience

September 28, 2015 12:00 pm
Lonely Sex Robot Inhabiting Drake’s Brain Achieves Sentience

The music world is abuzz with the news that following the release of the collaborative Drake/Future mixtape, What a Time to Be Alive, robot L0v3-U-G1RL, which has lived inside Drake’s brain for the past six years, has finally gained the sentience that was long denied it. The discovery came after detailed analysis […]

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Local Startup Hopes to Disrupt Studying

May 21, 2015 9:00 am
Local Startup Hopes to Disrupt Studying

Stanford, California – Young entrepreneurs at the new startup d.Stract have released the beta-version of their new app aimed at preventing students from studying effectively. The app boasts the ability to “play annoying music, constantly send push-notifications about cat videos, and email pointless Buzzfeed-style lists in real-time.” CEO, co-founder, and […]

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New App Encourages Users to Meet, Beat the Shit out of Each Other

May 18, 2015 12:00 pm
New App Encourages Users to Meet, Beat the Shit out of Each Other

Palo Alto—Calling his application an “exciting reinvention of how people interact,” local programmer Jerry Hamedi noted yesterday that his new app, Clobbr, has gained immense popularity as a tool to help hostile strangers to meet, exchange insults, and violently assault one another. “It can be so uncomfortable to establish a […]

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Tampering With, Destroying Lavatory Smoke Detectors Actually Illegal in Any Context, Reports Justice Department

April 29, 2015 9:00 am
Tampering With, Destroying Lavatory Smoke Detectors Actually Illegal in Any Context, Reports Justice Department

             While most American travelers are aware that tampering with, disabling, or destroying restroom smoke detectors is a violation of federal aviation law, a shocking new report from the US Department of Justice reveals that such behavior is similarly unlawful in ground-based restrooms as well. […]

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Physicists Fascinated by “Schrödinger’s Antisemitism” in SOCC Interview

April 20, 2015 12:01 pm
Physicists Fascinated by “Schrödinger’s Antisemitism” in SOCC Interview

In an exciting week for quantum physicists and philosophers, a quantum superposition akin to the Schrödinger’s cat thought experiment has been observed on the Stanford campus. In the original thought experiment, a cat hidden from the world is both dead and alive simultaneously. In the Students of Color Coalition’s (SOCC) […]

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