Peyton Manning Leaves Football to Focus on his Papa John’s Commercial Career

After being cut by the Colts last week, Peyton Manning has decided to walk away from the game of football and into the game of Papa John’s commercials. “I’ve done a couple commercials...

March 12th, 2012

SHPRC Provides Students With Free Condoms, Roofies

Long revered for their subsidized condoms, lube, and miscellaneous sexual paraphernalia, the Stanford Sexual Health Peer Resource Center has recently expanded their resources, allotting 3 Rohypnol tablets...

March 12th, 2012

OAPE Typo Turns “Alcohol Free” Party Into “Free Alcohol” Party

The Office of Alcohol P E (OAPE) experienced an unexpected surge in popularity last week after a typo in an internal memo changed an “alcohol free” event into a “free alcohol” event....

March 12th, 2012

Stanford Announces “Arrillaga Tower” Project

In a surprising new development, John Arrillaga has announced plans to build a new $88 million “Arrillaga Tower” on West Campus. The design, released over the weekend, calls for a tower nearly...

March 7th, 2012

Tensions Rise On West Bank of Lake Lag

March 5th, 2012

Parents Send Student to His Room During Parents Weekend

Students across campus vacuumed and straightened like never before in preparation for the arrival of hordes of visiting parents last weekend. “I took out the recycling bin full of beer bottles, aired...

March 5th, 2012

Santorum Announces Plan to Make All Women Report Menstruation Cycles to Federal Registry

Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum recently announced his plan to have all American women register their menstrual cycles in a national ovulation database. The former senator, and prominent...

March 2nd, 2012

Google Glasses to Tell People the Weather

By the end of the year, Google will release physical glasses that will tell people whether or not it is raining. “We are really excited about this advance in technology,” said Sergei Brin as...

March 1st, 2012

Students Create New Dating Awareness Group

Citing efforts to increase dating on campus, two freshmen girls are delving into uncharted territory. Samantha Smith and Kelly Clark have started Stanford Students for Access to Dating (SSAD) to raise...

February 29th, 2012

Student Drops Out to Focus on Beard Growth and Development

The young movers and shakers of today’s competitive world often drop out of college to focus on their own endeavors. It therefore came as no surprise to friends of sophomore Joseph Larson when he...

February 28th, 2012

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