Life
Student Tattoos Resume on Chest
Last Thursday, Stanford’s largest career fair attracted hundreds of students to White Plaza to speak with over 300 employers about internships and industry. One student, Galen Solinsky, found that informally...
October 13th, 2011
Kappa Sig Frat Sets Record For Number of Girls Sleeping Over
On the first night of the quarter, the residence of Kappa Sigma set a record for the number of girls caught spending the night. The grand total of thirty-two girls shattered the previous record of three,...
October 4th, 2011
United States Government Reforms Social Security to Protect Your Social Life
WASHINGTON, D.C–Amid skepticism of the future viability of the Social Security program, the government passed a sweeping reform to protect your social life and ensure your long-term social viability.
Government...
October 3rd, 2011
An Open Letter To Andrew Luck
Dear Andrew,
Let’s dispense with the formalities. We should be friends. I’m not talking Bill and Ted or Harold and Maude—I’m thinking more like Damon and Affleck. You know, just two laid-back,...
October 3rd, 2011
Eric Carle’s Very Hungry Caterpillar Replaced By The Caterpillar Who Eats Only As Much As He Needs
NEW YORK—In response to the growing obesity problem in the United States, Eric Carle, author of the famous book The Very Hungry Caterpillar, has released a new edition of his book to teach children the...
September 28th, 2011
Apple Location Tracking Data Reveals Entire History of Carmen Sandiego’s Whereabouts
In shocking news, Apple leaked information about their knowledge of the location of Carmen Sandiego. The international woman of mystery is now no longer so mysterious anymore.
Chief engineer for the iPhone’s...
May 18th, 2011
30-Year Reunion a Great Time to Remind Your Friends That You Were Most Likely to Succeed
18-20 Year Old Black Man With Dreadlocks and Chubby Indian Man Who Smells of Apples Getting Together for a Party at Your Place
Cockblocks: Then and Now
People have been hooking up all through history, and hookups have been going awry for just as long. This handy chart compares for two different time periods the unfortunate cockblock scenarios in which...
May 9th, 2011
Mattel Releases New Educational Toy “Cat in the Box”
In a conference attended by tens of interested toy magnates, Mattel announced that their newest toy, the “Cat in the Box,” will be released in Summer 2012.
“It’s a take on the traditional Jack-in-the-Box,”...
May 9th, 2011


