Dear Abby, My Dorm is Going to the Aquarium and I Really Want to Steal an Octopus but I’m Terrified of Coach Buses. What Do I Do? Sincerely, Tentacle Thief

Dear Tentacle Thief, Look, it’s a whole wide world out there. And…

Op-Ed: I’m Beginning to Regret The Chris Brown Sticker on My Hydroflask

I’m facing a pretty serious problem, and it has to do with…

Report: Area Man Whose Birthday is on Christmas Thinks He’s Jesus

PALO ALTO, CA – In the last forty-eight hours, Albert Shurenberg, a…