Man With Two Drones Now Wants To See Them Fight

April 6, 2017 8:17 pm
Man With Two Drones Now Wants To See Them Fight

Palo Alto – Reports show that Kenneth Overman, having achieved his long-standing goal of owning two separate recreational drones, has now switched his aspirations from acquiring drones to watching them face off in a 21st century airborne reinterpretation of gladiatorial combat. While investigations seem to indicate that Overman has not […]

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A Standardized Formatting Guide for a Post-Truth Research Paper

April 4, 2017 12:00 pm
A Standardized Formatting Guide for a Post-Truth Research Paper

Now that we have entered an age of “post-truth,” a time in which facts and personal opinions are one and the same, the standard formatting guides of days past no longer apply. MLA and Chicago style may have worked well when you could “fact-check” a peer’s work, but now a […]

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PLEASE DO NOT VOTE FOR DEEDEE ANDERSON AND JASON SETER, THE FLIPSIDE SLATE, FOR ASSU EXEC

12:00 pm
PLEASE DO NOT VOTE FOR DEEDEE ANDERSON AND JASON SETER, THE FLIPSIDE SLATE, FOR ASSU EXEC

Dear Cherished Electorate, We are Deedee Anderson and Jason Seter. We are running for ASSU Exec, and we beg you not to vote for us. On April 13th and 14th, you, the student body, will have the opportunity to flex your democratic muscles by choosing your elected student leaders. It […]

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Anonymous-Sounding Engineering Company Specializes In “Global Solutions”

April 2, 2017 8:07 pm
Anonymous-Sounding Engineering Company Specializes In “Global Solutions”

Stanford senior Alicia Wesson has reportedly found the recruitment site of the company Prismatech, an inconspicuous company actively recruiting CS and other Engineering graduates to help in their mission of “providing global solutions to the world’s most cutting edge geospatial analytics problems.” Their company website has little-to-no information about potential […]

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OpEd: As A Serial Killer Who Only Kills Women, I’d Like To Thank Women

March 19, 2017 12:00 pm
OpEd: As A Serial Killer Who Only Kills Women, I’d Like To Thank Women

As National Women’s Day came and went last week, I realized my tremendous oversight in not publicly thanking women for all they have done for me in my life. As a serial killer who only kills women, there’s no way I could have gotten to where I am today without […]

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Op-Ed: Megalodon Is In Lake Lag And I Have Proof

March 17, 2017 12:00 pm
Op-Ed: Megalodon Is In Lake Lag And I Have Proof

Look guys, hear me out on this one. Megalodon is real and he is living in Lake Lag right now. I get it, you might be a little skeptical. I was too at first! Does it really make sense for this massive shark, presumed extinct for over 2 million years, […]

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At Quiznos, The Customer Is Always Right, Even If That Customer Is Conspiracy Theorist Alex Jones

March 16, 2017 9:00 am
At Quiznos, The Customer Is Always Right, Even If That Customer Is Conspiracy Theorist Alex Jones

Here at Quiznos Subs and Sandwiches, we have a little saying: “The customer is always right.” They want their bread toasted? Done. They want the onions grilled? A-ok. They want to mix ketchup and mustard together into a new, ungodly condiment? Who are we to tell them no! So when […]

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Wow! CERN Just Announced Their Newest Particle, and It’s Latino

March 13, 2017 12:00 pm
Wow! CERN Just Announced Their Newest Particle, and It’s Latino

Science alert! CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, just announced their newest particle. And good news, folks – it’s Latino! “This is the first particle we’ve announced that’s ethnically of latin origins”, announced Director-General Fabiola Gianotti in a weekly press briefing. “So far none of the atomic and subatomic […]

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Donald Trump Releases Tax Returns Into The Everglades

12:00 pm
Donald Trump Releases Tax Returns Into The Everglades

After months of controversy and evasion, President Donald Trump has finally released his tax returns into the tranquil groves of the Florida wetlands. Though the tax returns’ precise location has been kept classified to prevent further disturbance of the surrounding habitat, accounting experts assured reporters that the newly freed tax […]

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Russian Oligarch “Totally Fine” With Putin Seeing Other Businessmen

March 11, 2017 9:57 am
Russian Oligarch “Totally Fine” With Putin Seeing Other Businessmen

Russian oil tycoon Dmitri Spirakov, multi-billionaire and shadow operator of the Russian state, has announced that he “has absolutely no problem” with President Vladimir Putin seeing other corrupt magnates too. “No, no, it’s totally fine with me”, commented the massively wealthy petroleum baron. “Putin has been very clear that ours […]

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