Students Seek Guidance on Petition to Fix Defective Soft Serve Ice Cream Machine from Adjunct Professor About to Be Evicted

November 6, 2017 12:00 pm
Students Seek Guidance on Petition to Fix Defective Soft Serve Ice Cream Machine from Adjunct Professor About to Be Evicted

Looking to their favorite faculty member, adjunct professor and soon to be homeless Elizabeth Emula, for guidance, Stanford students Alexa Ante ’19 and William Woolf ’20 decided last week to begin circulating a petition for RD&E to replace the unreliable soft serve machines in Wilbur Dining. “Working ice cream machines […]

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Whacking Side Of Computer Still Hasn’t Fixed Axess, CS Professors Report

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Whacking Side Of Computer Still Hasn’t Fixed Axess, CS Professors Report

Now that Week 6 has come and gone, students have begun to enroll in courses for winter quarter. Unfortunately, however, Axess is still not working. According to Stanford’s IT Department, the site crashed at midnight a few days ago due to increased traffic coinciding with the opening of course registration […]

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G©oog©le claims copyrig©ht on the letter g©

November 1, 2017 12:00 pm
G©oog©le claims copyrig©ht on the letter g©

Tech g©iant g©oog©le has reportedly issued an all-encompassing© copyrig©ht on the seventh letter of the alphabet, a move that current CEO Sundar Pichai describes as “log©ical, considering© the company’s long©standing©g and close association with the letter,” a statement that references G©oog©le’s numerous products and services such as G©mail, G©oog©le Drive, […]

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Student Not Attractive Enough for Tourists to Take Pictures Of

October 31, 2017 12:00 pm
Student Not Attractive Enough for Tourists to Take Pictures Of

In a devastating turn of events this weekend, sources report that sophomore Jacob Keller has finally come to the conclusion that he is too ugly for even the most eager of tourists to photograph while touring campus. Following this revelation, the chemical engineering major found it impossible to walk to […]

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Report: Hippopotami More Frightening Than Ghosts

October 30, 2017 12:00 pm
Report: Hippopotami More Frightening Than Ghosts

Citing new evidence opposing the longstanding misconception that ghosts are the most terrifying creature to walk this earth, researchers at Stanford University announced yesterday that hippopotami are and have always been way more frightening. Though phantoms, specters, and other assorted ghouls may incite feelings of extreme dread and horror in […]

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Man Dressed As Pumpkin Didn’t Do A Very Good Job

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Man Dressed As Pumpkin Didn’t Do A Very Good Job

Area man Harry Kravitz dressed as a pumpkin confused friends and acquaintances this Halloween weekend, as his costume barely hit the mark. Clad in dark baggy pants, a puffy white shirt and a curved metal hook as a hand replacement, he barely resembled a pumpkin at all. “I am dressed […]

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Man Drinking Soylent Has No Time For Childish Frivolities Like Solid Food

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Man Drinking Soylent Has No Time For Childish Frivolities Like Solid Food

STANFORD, CA — Monday at 9:26am, senior Computer Science major Waldorf Panderlin was seen biking across main quad, gulping Soylent from a 2-liter bottle on his way to CS 103. “No time!” he shrieked at our Flipside field reporter when asked to comment. More bags of powdered foodstuffs were visible […]

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Ask Smeg The Undying, Soldier And Disciple Of The Flame

October 26, 2017 11:07 am
Ask Smeg The Undying, Soldier And Disciple Of The Flame

Dear Smeg the Undying, I absolutely loved my freshman dorm, but I’m worried that I won’t be able to keep in touch with my friends from last year as much as I’d like to, which actually isn’t that much. Do you have any tips on staying connected with friends? – […]

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Marc Tessier-Lavigne Revealed to be Hooked to Cryogenic Vat Between Speeches

October 24, 2017 12:00 pm
Marc Tessier-Lavigne Revealed to be Hooked to Cryogenic Vat Between Speeches

In a press conference that has stunned students and wowed the scientific community, Stanford Provost Persis Drell confirmed this weekend that school president Marc Tessier-Lavigne is kept preserved in a cryogenic vat between speeches, only emerging from his ungodly slumber for intermittent public appearances. “It’s basically a Winter Soldier-type deal,” […]

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Local Frat Brother Concerned After Nor Cal Fires Rage Through Wine Country

October 23, 2017 12:00 pm
Local Frat Brother Concerned After Nor Cal Fires Rage Through Wine Country

Stating that he was “totally distraught” after hearing about how the Northern California fires had destroyed homes and lives in numerous towns and cities including many wine-growing regions, Kyle Brosner, a junior and notorious frat star,  called an emergency meeting of all the brothers of his fraternity. “I’m sure you […]

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