Musicians Left Jobless After Supply of Music Exhausted

May 21, 2018 12:00 pm
Musicians Left Jobless After Supply of Music Exhausted

In a shocking yet inevitable turn of events, Earth finally ran out of music earlier this week. With the limited supply of tempos, rhythms and beats now entirely depleted, musicians everywhere suddenly find themselves out of work. As recently as Monday afternoon, composers and sonic artists from every continent were […]

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Science Win: Neil deGrasse Tyson Just Disproved Alf

May 16, 2018 11:17 pm
Science Win: Neil deGrasse Tyson Just Disproved Alf

Sci-fi fans, watch out — someone’s coming for ya! Acclaimed astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson has already made a name for himself with his cheeky debunkings of popular films and TV shows, but the Tweetstorm he unleashed last night just about takes the cake: using science, reason, and logic, Mr. Tyson […]

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We Interviewed A Guy With Shovels For Hands, But He Mainly Wanted To Discuss Wealth Inequality Instead Of The Shovel-Hands Thing

11:12 pm
We Interviewed A Guy With Shovels For Hands, But He Mainly Wanted To Discuss Wealth Inequality Instead Of The Shovel-Hands Thing

Earlier this week, the Flipside had the opportunity to interview local legend Ernest “Shovel Hands” Mattox, a Palo Alto resident of 56 years and a freak of nature born with two large shovels instead of hands. However, although Ernest was willing to do an interview, he seemed far more interested […]

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Report: Kairos in state of anarchy after all-staff firing, Wine and Cheese nights under threat

May 14, 2018 12:00 pm
Kairos

Following the firing of all Kairos staff members last week, the Flipside has received reports that the house is steadily devolving into a state of brutal dog-eat-dog anarchy — and the situation seems to only be getting worse. Initially, neighboring houses reported hearing shrieks and groans coming from the now-ungoverned […]

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Student Wearing Clothes Must Think He’s Really Hot Shit

12:00 pm
Student Wearing Clothes Must Think He’s Really Hot Shit

Noting the young man appeared irritatingly confident and self-assured, sources confirmed yesterday that junior Brian Murk must think he’s really hot shit ‘cuz of all those clothes he’s wearing all the time. “God, what a prick—all he does is walk around with that smug grin and those cottony pants and […]

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Missile Strikes on Syrian Chlorine Factories Leave Assad’s Pool Faintly Piss-Scented

May 8, 2018 3:38 pm
Missile Strikes on Syrian Chlorine Factories Leave Assad’s Pool Faintly Piss-Scented

Several days after President Donald Trump launched several targeted missile strikes against Syrian chlorine facilities in retaliation for Bashar al-Assad’s use of chemical weapons on civilians, news has emerged that the despot’s backyard pool has finally begun to smell vaguely like human piss. “We drew a red line, a big […]

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Top Four Most Brutal Death Scenes in “Avengers: Infinity War”

May 7, 2018 11:13 pm
Top Four Most Brutal Death Scenes in “Avengers: Infinity War”

1. Thanos Kills My Dad “Infinity War” had a lot going on, so it’s hard for me to remember every scene. But one in particular is still burned in my brain — when archvillain Thanos stopped his climactic fight with the Avengers halfway through just so he could teleport to […]

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Report: Pure Sigma Chi Bloodline To Be Dirtied by Non-Greek Plebeians Next Year

12:00 pm
Report: Pure Sigma Chi Bloodline To Be Dirtied by Non-Greek Plebeians Next Year

In a turn of events that has horrified many, it was announced earlier this week that the Alpha Omega chapter of Sigma Chi will be opening its house to the “plain folk” of Stanford in the coming academic year. This break from tradition comes after Sigma Chi was prohibited from […]

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Op-Ed: I’m In Too Deep With These GSB Experiments, Please Help

May 6, 2018 9:01 pm
Op-Ed: I’m In Too Deep With These GSB Experiments, Please Help

It started off with an email. The newsletter advertising different Graduate School of Business studies seemed like a simple way to make 7 bucks in just 20 minutes. So naturally, I signed up for a few, going in for some group thinking exercises, even some simulated negotiations. It was all […]

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Trader Joe’s Opens Joe’s O’s, New Sister Store Sex Shop

May 3, 2018 10:10 am
Trader Joe’s Opens Joe’s O’s, New Sister Store Sex Shop

Tim Smith, CEO of Trader Joe’s, just announced this week that the multi-million dollar conglomerate is branching out and opening a new line of sex shops. The first will be opened in San Francisco, kink capital of the world, and called Joe’s O’s (short for Joe’s Orgasm’s–haha that’s straight up […]

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