Italics Malfunction Rids Campus of Pretentious Papers

November 16, 2008 8:07 pm
Italics Malfunction Rids Campus of Pretentious Papers

A system error of Microsoft Word caused widespread disabling of the italics function earlier this week, forcing faculty and graduate students across the country to remove italicized foreign-language words from papers and articles, making their prose easier to read and less pretentious. “This is a problem of cyclopean proportions,” said […]

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President Hennessy Spotted On Campus

8:00 pm
President Hennessy Spotted On Campus

According to several eyewitnesses, Stanford President John Hennessy was seen walking between the Quad and the business school around 11:15 A.M. last Friday. This was the first sighting of the elusive Hennessy since he addressed the Class of 2012 during Orientation in mid-September. Sophomore and Hennessy-watching enthusiast Claire Naziri told […]

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Missed Connections

7:57 pm
Missed Connections

32 years ago you spoke the word “serendipity” down the subway stairs. I haven’t forgotten. Two weeks ago you posted on missed connections. Call me… To the girl on the elevator… you went to floor five… I pushed the button for you. To the girl at Axe & Palm.. do […]

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Barack Obama Gets A Sex Change; US Has First Black and Female President

November 8, 2008 9:06 pm
Barack Obama Gets A Sex Change; US Has First Black and Female President

By Dorothy Cranard WASHINGTON D.C–In order to continue his message of change, Barack Obama got a sex change yesterday to give the country its first black president, its first female president, and its first president who has received a sex change. “Like I told the people,” said Obama in his […]

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Obama’s First Presidential Action To Get, Walk New Puppy

9:04 pm
Obama’s First Presidential Action To Get, Walk New Puppy

In an unexpected course of events, president elect Barack Obama has already started making presidential decisions. Last Wednesday, just one day after being elected, Obama announced that for his first act as president he will bring change to the White House by ousting the Bush’s dog Barney. “The people of […]

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Opinion: “I Demand A Recount”

9:01 pm
Opinion: “I Demand A Recount”

By Frank the Disgruntled McCain Supporter Do you really think the U.S. just elected Barack Obama as President? Come on, America- let’s think again. This is obviously impossible. The only way Obama could have beaten John McCain would have been by using dirty techniques to rig the election. The voters […]

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America’s Balls Shrink 40% After Obama Victory, GOP’s Worst Fears Confirmed

8:58 pm
America’s Balls Shrink 40% After Obama Victory, GOP’s Worst Fears Confirmed

True to the predictions of several conservative pundits and bloggers, electing the progressive, thoughtful Barack Obama has taken its toll on the nation’s collective cojones, which have been shrinking considerably since November 4th. Urologist Alan Yanofsky examined the emasculated country in a routine, post-election check-up. “It seems a lack of […]

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Students Steal Bikes To Be Resold For Charity

8:56 pm
Students Steal Bikes To Be Resold For Charity

Last week’s Gumball Challenge inspired many Stanford students to get out of bed and make some money. Receiving a loan of $27 along with 27 gumballs, students tried to make as much money as possible for charity. Students did everything from reselling In-N-Out burgers to doing laundry for other kids […]

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Historic Presidential Firsts

8:55 pm
Historic Presidential Firsts

Barack Obama, president-elect of the United States, released on Sunday his schedule for the first day of his term as president, which will go down in history as a truly historic day. Items on his schedule include: First African-American Presidential Breakfast First African-American Presidential Tooth Brushing First African-American Presidential Morning […]

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Facebook Adds New “It’s Abusive” Relationship Category



November 1, 2008 9:49 pm
Facebook Adds New “It’s Abusive” Relationship Category



FACEBOOK HEADQUARTERS–After much deliberation and mixed reviews of the “New Facebook,” Founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg sought to make things right with users through the addition of the new “It’s Abusive” relationship status.
    The move has been hailed by the majority of Facebook users as a “step back in the […]

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