ASSU Election Proceeds Smoothly, Without Drama

Stanford sources are pleased to report that last week’s election proceeded unusually smoothly and without the melodrama and fuss that typically accompanies ASSU elections. “Nothing really happening here,” said ASSU Elections Commissioner Adam Adler, as he made the final move in a game of computer...

April 16th, 2012

SHPRC Provides Students With Free Condoms, Roofies

Long revered for their subsidized condoms, lube, and miscellaneous sexual paraphernalia, the Stanford Sexual Health Peer Resource Center has recently expanded their resources, allotting 3 Rohypnol tablets per quarter for each undergrad. Rohypnol, commonly known as “roofies” or the “date...

March 12th, 2012

Arts Corner: “There’s No Way That Photo Was Taken in February”

On Thursday morning, February 2nd, Sophomore Henry Mathis allegedly pulled out his iPhone and took what is certainly—if it is, in fact, real—one of the most powerful photographs of the decade. Mathis’ picture featured the Main Quad lit by some pleasant morning sunshine, a picture he uploaded to...

February 6th, 2012

GOP Nominates a Cement Mixing Truck

Confronted with a sorry group of candidates growing more ridiculous with each passing debate, the GOP recently announced an intent to forgo party decorum in favor of an unorthodox political strategy in the 2012 election. After a heated six hour, closed-door discussion, GOP leaders have announced that...

January 17th, 2012

Math Student Finds Real Analysis Much Less Interesting After Getting Action

Sources report that sophomore Nathan Kingston, child prodigy and math aficionado, has lost significant interest in the arcane processes behind real analysis after getting some action at Sigma Nu last Friday night. “Basically, I’m the shit now,” a confident Kingston told the Flipside, scratching...

November 14th, 2011

Alcohol Edu Helps Freshman Make Good Life Choices

Sources report that Stanford’s mandatory online Alcohol Edu program for freshman helped freshman Ben Zimmerman make better choices about alcohol last Thursday night. “I was totally about to get my slizz on,” Zimmerman told the Flipside earlier this week “but then I remembered that I didn’t...

November 7th, 2011

Andrew Luck Skips NFL, Goes Straight to Prison

Following what will surely be another amazing season, star quarterback Andrew Luck has decided to skip enrollment in the NFL and go straight to prison, a move which has excited a flurry of activity among the higher echelons of the pre-game-show douchebag world. Mark Walder, a veteran sports analyst for...

October 10th, 2011