Articles by: Corbin Foucart

Union Of Body Language Book Readers Announces Plans To Touch You During Social Occasions

February 2, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Union Of Body Language Book Readers Announces Plans To Touch You During Social Occasions
Union Of Body Language Book Readers Announces Plans To Touch You During Social Occasions

Silver Springs MD — At a semi-annual meeting last week, the union of people who read books about body language announced plans to uncomfortably touch you during conversation, sources reported. Having understood the deep evolutionary desires of humans to be touched, members at the conference expressed confidence that they will […]

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Social Scientists Encourage Introspection For Those Who Live In Glass Houses

January 27, 2017 9:00 amComments Off on Social Scientists Encourage Introspection For Those Who Live In Glass Houses
Social Scientists Encourage Introspection For Those Who Live In Glass Houses

Washington, D.C. — Doctors associated with the American Psychological Association have determined that those who live in glass houses should spend less energy worrying about throwing stones, and instead reflect on the underlying mental instabilities that compelled them to purchase a house made entirely of glass. While researchers conceded that […]

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Person with Gigantism Big Fan of Cookies

April 13, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Person with Gigantism Big Fan of Cookies
Person with Gigantism Big Fan of Cookies
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New Clause in Stanford Honor Code Baffles Students

12:00 pmComments Off on New Clause in Stanford Honor Code Baffles Students
New Clause in Stanford Honor Code Baffles Students

Following a rash of suspected cheating in introductory classes during winter quarter, the Stanford Office of Community Standards released an updated honor code last week in an effort to be more explicit about the standards of integrity between students and faculty.  The new code was released to a generally favorable […]

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Scientists at Bell Laboratories Create Innovative New Form of Racism

March 9, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Scientists at Bell Laboratories Create Innovative New Form of Racism
Scientists at Bell Laboratories Create Innovative New Form of Racism

Murray Hill, NJ, 1953 – Sources report that a crack team in the secretive research and development branch of Bell Laboratories has been working to innovate a new type of racism that may change how racial discrimination works on a national level. “We can’t give you too many details, but […]

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Ron Paul Optimistic About Coming Elections

March 2, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Ron Paul Optimistic About Coming Elections
Ron Paul Optimistic About Coming Elections

Washington, DC – Sources confirmed earlier this week that US Representative Ron Paul has been feeling very optimistic about the upcoming elections in 2016, not because of the recent shift in political climate espousing more conservative values, but because of the impending judgment day by the great overlord Zorcon, whom […]

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Controversy Sparked Over Whether Backstreet Boys Album is Really White and Gold

February 27, 2015 10:24 amComments Off on Controversy Sparked Over Whether Backstreet Boys Album is Really White and Gold
Controversy Sparked Over Whether Backstreet Boys Album is Really White and Gold
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Pope’s Intentions Still Religious

February 23, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Pope’s Intentions Still Religious
Pope’s Intentions Still Religious

The Vatican — Earlier this week, Pope Francis addressed concerned Catholics around the world by noting that, despite his recent acts of humanity and charity, the values of the Catholic Church remain firmly in place. While the Pope has been celebrated for his progressive nature, he insists that much of […]

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Local Man Trying Hard to Kick his Placebo Addiction

12:00 pmComments Off on Local Man Trying Hard to Kick his Placebo Addiction
Local Man Trying Hard to Kick his Placebo Addiction
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Report: Mmm, Porn Star Likes It Like That, Baby

February 9, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Report: Mmm, Porn Star Likes It Like That, Baby
Report: Mmm, Porn Star Likes It Like That, Baby
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