Post Tagged with: "santa"

Santa’s ELF Committee Runs Out of Money Because “Some Children Were Greedy Little Shits This Year”

February 12, 2019 8:00 pmComments Off on Santa’s ELF Committee Runs Out of Money Because “Some Children Were Greedy Little Shits This Year”
Here is a sad little Christmas elf cartoon.  This sad little elf looks down to his feet because he is to sad to look up.  This little elf wears a red Santa hat with green elf shoes.

Barely more than a month into 2019, an email sent out last week by the big man himself, Santa, apologized to parents worldwide before announcing that the North Pole’s ELF committee has already run out of money to build any more presents this year. Among the reasons for the shortage, […]

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Sad Santa: Claus Suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder

January 16, 2014 9:00 amComments Off on Sad Santa: Claus Suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder
Sad Santa: Claus Suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder

At a low point in a post-holiday interview, Santa Claus broke down and revealed that he has Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as SAD. His hyperactivity and celebrated generosity at every Christmas for the past centuries have all been an attempt to cope with his illness. “When I was a […]

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Opinion: How About a Thank You Note This Year, You Bratty Kids? By Santa

December 6, 2012 9:00 amComments Off on Opinion: How About a Thank You Note This Year, You Bratty Kids? By Santa
Opinion: How About a Thank You Note This Year, You Bratty Kids? By Santa

As I am sure you are all aware, I spend twelve months making toys, studying maps, and keeping in shape for sliding down millions of chimneys come Christmas Eve.  I’m the one that makes the Legos and terrifying Bratz dolls that your kids whine for year after year.  I even […]

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Santa Stops Giving Coal, “Goes Green”

January 20, 2009 11:53 pm0 comments
Santa Stops Giving Coal, “Goes Green”

Naughty children all over the world woke this past Christmas morning only to realize their usual lumps of coal were not under the tree. Instead, they found miniature toy solar panels, compact fluorescent light bulbs, and hybrid remote control cars. Others woke to find their Christmas lights mysteriously unplugged, suspected […]

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Congress Expected to Replace the “Privileges and Immunities” Clause with the “Santa” Clause

December 7, 2008 8:02 pm0 comments
Congress Expected to Replace the “Privileges and Immunities” Clause with the “Santa” Clause

By Stanley Waters This year, the citizens of the United States will receive a special Christmas gift from the government. In light of recent economic difficulties and a general feeling of gloom across the country, Congress is expected to revise the Constitution for the first time in several decades. The […]

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