High School Suck-Up Encounters Much Better Suck-Ups in College

March 1, 2009 10:43 pm
High School Suck-Up Encounters Much Better Suck-Ups in College

Incoming freshman Ryan O’Connell, who considered himself an “outstanding” suck-up to authorities in high school, experienced a huge shock in his first week at Stanford when he found multiple people much more adept and experienced at the art of brownnosing. “It was just very strange,” O’Connell said. “In high school, […]

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Bored Student Calculates Proportion of Stats Lecture Remaining

10:42 pm
Bored Student Calculates Proportion of Stats Lecture Remaining
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Awkward Silence Prolonged by Belated “Just Kidding”

10:41 pm
Awkward Silence Prolonged by Belated “Just Kidding”
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Woman Given Job as Secretary

10:40 pm
Woman Given Job as Secretary
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Condoleezza Rice Bullshits Way Through Lecture

7:48 pm
Condoleezza Rice Bullshits Way Through Lecture

Condoleezza Rice, who just finished her role as Secretary of State for the second term of the presidential administration of George W. Bush, returned to her role as professor of Political Science at Stanford. However, in her class, students expressed surprise at a very noticeable change in her style, claiming […]

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Dormcest Leads to New Outbreak of Dormyphilis

7:47 pm
Dormcest Leads to New Outbreak of Dormyphilis

Staff from freshman dorm Cedro report that the dorm has been hit with an outbreak of dormyphilis, an infectious disease caused by excessive amounts of inter-dorm sexual relations, also known as dormcest. “We all know it’s a threat,” Cedro Resident Fellow David Fitzgerald said. “But we didn’t think it happen […]

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I Am A Killing Machine

7:44 pm
I Am A Killing Machine

By Jonathon Farrell ‘11 Oh brothers, how war has made us weary. These grueling days seem like months to me now as I look back upon a different time—a time when we could wake up late, in our own beds, and bike to class a comfortable five minutes late without […]

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Toe Stubbing Up 600% in Redesigned White Plaza

7:42 pm
Toe Stubbing Up 600% in Redesigned White Plaza

The summer-long, four million dollar renovation of White Plaza has had an unintended consequence: reports of pedestrians stubbing toes have increased almost 600% since the unveiling of the new campus center. The White Plaza renovation project, which was implemented to try to “clarify and improve circulation, reduce asphalt, consolidate small […]

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Advice for Teenage Girls with Ali Weinberg

7:40 pm
Advice for Teenage Girls with Ali Weinberg

Dear Ali, So I can’t be sure, but I just saw my boyfriend Jeff holding an empty tin cup as he searched through garbage, and I think that’s when he got the shirt he wore to dinner last night, which smelled like fish. Is it just my imagination, or am […]

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12 Unopened Condoms Quietly Mock Student

7:37 pm
12 Unopened Condoms Quietly Mock Student
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