Articles by: Corbin Foucart

PETA Demands Increased Rights for Hulk Hogan

February 2, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on PETA Demands Increased Rights for Hulk Hogan
PETA Demands Increased Rights for Hulk Hogan

NORFOLK, VA — Earlier this week, the radical animal rights activist group PETA lobbied the government for increased legislation to protect the rights of American professional wrestler Hulk Hogan. Citing loopholes that have allowed the WWE to exploit Hogan for over a decade, PETA called for legislation that would make it […]

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Study Finds Disproportionate Amount of Gigantic Penises in Liar Population

January 26, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Study Finds Disproportionate Amount of Gigantic Penises in Liar Population
Study Finds Disproportionate Amount of Gigantic Penises in Liar Population

Los Angeles, CA — Psychologists and anthropologists remain baffled by a study conducted last year which found a hugely disproportionate average penis size present in the pathological liar population. While previous penile research has suggested an American average around 5.5 inches, the surveys targeted towards the liar population found an […]

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Disney character tragically gunned down after buying too many balloons and floating into restricted airspace

12:00 pmComments Off on Disney character tragically gunned down after buying too many balloons and floating into restricted airspace
Disney character tragically gunned down after buying too many balloons and floating into restricted airspace
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Worst Things in Life Also Free, Economists Find

January 20, 2015 12:01 pmComments Off on Worst Things in Life Also Free, Economists Find
Worst Things in Life Also Free, Economists Find

NASHVILLE, TN- A consortium of economists affiliated with the American Economic Association have published findings this week asserting that while the best things in life are free, it would seem that the worst things in life are often without cost as well. “It was a shockingly simple idea,” stated Tyler […]

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Electrical Engineering Department Expands Depth Requirement

January 15, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Electrical Engineering Department Expands Depth Requirement
Electrical Engineering Department Expands Depth Requirement

In light of recent complaints that the core requirements for the electrical engineering major do not adequately prepare students for working environments after graduation, the department has added several new courses to the breadth requirement. Starting spring quarter, new classes such as “EE 224: Crystal Lattice Structures and How to Convincingly Hide […]

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Doctors hate him: local man discovers one weird trick to become immensely fat and impotent in less than 3 weeks!

January 12, 2015 10:00 amComments Off on Doctors hate him: local man discovers one weird trick to become immensely fat and impotent in less than 3 weeks!
Doctors hate him: local man discovers one weird trick to become immensely fat and impotent in less than 3 weeks!
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Mozart’s Requiem in D Minor, “Five Dollar Footlong” Deemed Humanity’s Magnum Opuses

January 5, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Mozart’s Requiem in D Minor, “Five Dollar Footlong” Deemed Humanity’s Magnum Opuses
Mozart’s Requiem in D Minor, “Five Dollar Footlong” Deemed Humanity’s Magnum Opuses
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Coked Out Biden Cleans the Entire Oval Office Again

November 19, 2014 9:00 amComments Off on Coked Out Biden Cleans the Entire Oval Office Again
Coked Out Biden Cleans the Entire Oval Office Again

Reports from Friday night indicate that Joe Biden managed to “score some killer Big C,” and had set to work obsessively cleaning the entirety of the Oval Office in nothing but his underwear. Listening exclusively to Peal Jam on a small 1998 Sony Walkman, the former United States Senator from […]

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Mother Teresa Admits She Couldn’t Have Done it All Without Adderall

November 17, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Mother Teresa Admits She Couldn’t Have Done it All Without Adderall
Mother Teresa Admits She Couldn’t Have Done it All Without Adderall

In a press conference last week, Mother Teresa reluctantly stated that her lifetime of humanitarian endeavors would not have been possible without Adderall. Speaking from beyond the grave, the Roman Catholic Sister and beatified saint noted that the vast majority of her work, including the management of hospices, soup kitchens, […]

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Heaven Announces Record Low Acceptance Rate For 2013

November 10, 2014 12:01 pmComments Off on Heaven Announces Record Low Acceptance Rate For 2013
Heaven Announces Record Low Acceptance Rate For 2013

Heaven admitted only 3.12 million people this year, marking the lowest acceptance rate that the world has seen to date. Heaven’s Dean of Admissions St. Peter, one of the twelve apostles of Christ and department of admissions chairperson, reported that Heaven received an astounding 55.8 million applications over the course […]

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