Articles by: Brandon Evans

New ‘Fight Fire With Fire’ Initiative Among US Fire- fighters Fails Miserably But Conserves Water

February 7, 2011 11:12 amComments Off on New ‘Fight Fire With Fire’ Initiative Among US Fire- fighters Fails Miserably But Conserves Water
New ‘Fight Fire With Fire’ Initiative Among US Fire- fighters Fails Miserably But Conserves Water
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Scientific Study Irrefutably Proves Existence of God

February 6, 2011 3:56 pmComments Off on Scientific Study Irrefutably Proves Existence of God
Scientific Study Irrefutably Proves Existence of God

In one of the more interesting scientific discoveries this week, researchers have proven the existence of a benevolent and all-powerful deity, thus forever rendering ages of religious speculation and existential dread pointless. “This shit’s airtight,” said Richard Dawkins, a prominent and vocal atheist, in reference to the study’s pristine methodology. […]

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Study: Women Have Too Much Self-Esteem

February 1, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Study: Women Have Too Much Self-Esteem
Study: Women Have Too Much Self-Esteem

A new interdisciplinary study sponsored by the National Association for the Advancement of Men (NAAM) suggests that women are starting to have too much self-esteem. The study has found that women make up over 57% of undergraduate enrollment in the US and similarly outnumber men in graduate school enrollment. Even […]

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New Study: Asians Do Not All Look Alike

January 6, 2011 9:10 amComments Off on New Study: Asians Do Not All Look Alike
New Study: Asians Do Not All Look Alike

A recent Chicago University study suggests that the centuries-old belief that all Asians look alike may in fact be false. A veteran research team headed by Professor Friedrich Winzenfaust worked tirelessly for dozens of hours comparing thousands of Asian faces for evidence of facial differences. “We began with a basic […]

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Obama Requires Cabinet To Spend Tuesday Nights Watching Inspirational Sports Movies

November 30, 2010 3:00 pmComments Off on Obama Requires Cabinet To Spend Tuesday Nights Watching Inspirational Sports Movies
Obama Requires Cabinet To Spend Tuesday Nights Watching Inspirational Sports Movies
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Terrorist Nervous On First Day as Suicide Bomber

November 28, 2010 4:45 pmComments Off on Terrorist Nervous On First Day as Suicide Bomber
Terrorist Nervous On First Day as Suicide Bomber

Luke Patterson, an Al-Qaeda operative from Colorado, reportedly feels “really nervous” on his first day as a suicide bomber. “What if they make fun of me for wearing a hand-me-down bomb vest?” said Luke. “Not everybody’s daddy can buy them new bomb vests, and I don’t wanna make a bad […]

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Zimbardo Conducts New Stanford Prism Experiment

November 23, 2010 1:43 amComments Off on Zimbardo Conducts New Stanford Prism Experiment
Zimbardo Conducts New Stanford Prism Experiment
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Angry Drunk Tells Stem Cell Scientist to Grow a Pair

November 14, 2010 2:58 pmComments Off on Angry Drunk Tells Stem Cell Scientist to Grow a Pair
Angry Drunk Tells Stem Cell Scientist to Grow a Pair
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Spoken Word Collective Accepts First Mute Member

November 10, 2010 10:01 amComments Off on Spoken Word Collective Accepts First Mute Member
Spoken Word Collective Accepts First Mute Member

In what several student organizations have hailed as a milestone in social progress, the Spoken Word Collective has accepted its first mute member, Jacob Vogler. Vogler, who has been deaf and mute for his entire life, auditioned in early October and impressed Spoken Word members with his ability to stare […]

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After 3 Days of Frantic Searching Rescue Workers and Coast Guard Find Jesus

November 7, 2010 4:28 pmComments Off on After 3 Days of Frantic Searching Rescue Workers and Coast Guard Find Jesus
After 3 Days of Frantic Searching Rescue Workers and Coast Guard Find Jesus
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