After several years of continued success on the gridiron, President Hennessy announced that Stanford University would transfer all funds dedicated to academics to the championship-contending football program. “Honestly, the average American does not give two shits that we’re one of the best academic schools in the country,” Hennessy explained as he tore off his suit to reveal a #12 Andrew Luck jersey. “But what they do care about is our yards per carry. We’re simply supplying a demand.” When asked for an opinion, SEC fans shouted incoherently.
You May Also Like
Line at the Post Office Voted “Most Productive Spot on Campus”
The Line at the Post Office finally triumphed over the Line at…
- Anna Wohl
- October 17, 2012
Obama Goes on Erectile Dysfunction Tangent During State of the Union Address
Political analysts and news syndicates expressed surprise over President Obama’s State of…
- Corbin Foucart
- February 22, 2013
Senior Irritated by Freshmen’s Loud, Obnoxious Whining
Describing the incessant noise as “distracting” and “frankly just rude,” Roble senior…
- Jeffery Squid
- November 12, 2015